Pitiful Clover

Nan, what in the world are you doing?
You're making everyone worry about you.
What are you doing?
What are you thinking?
Are you happy to make me frustrate?
Why did you angry to me?
Why did you say something awful to me?
Why didn't you realize that you hurt me?
I'm so tired.
I hate you.

=====

I hate myself
I was so ashamed of myself.
I thought so all along.
I couldn't help thinking that way.

The scariest thing,
The most painful thing is...
to be hated by someone you trully love.

I am a coward.
But yet, I'm still telling myself I love you.
I'm the worst lover after all.
Why am I such a child.
I really hate it.
I should've protected you.
I should've protected us.


----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I wish you read this when there's just small sad memory left. It's just a writing, but there's a heart within each words of it. I wish I could heal you up, so I could heal myself too. So I could forgive myself. Someday, it will make me stronger. And someday, eventually, this would be distant, dim sadness.