Bersih-bersih kompi kantor hari ini menghasilkan satu temuan yang bikin ngakak pas baca (karena bahasa Inggris gw masih super sloppy slut), tapi ada ilmu yang bisa diambil dari sana. That was my agenda while I had a disaster touring + seminar demi sebuah penyembuhan konservatif yang ujung-ujungnya ga ada artinya juga. Well, at least I enjoy the reassuring part, plus nyambi jalan-jalan di Sanur. Sisanya... silakan buat bahan ketawaan aja dah.
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I never expected that my participation in world bipolar seminar was leaving alot of stories. It was an ass when dr Lidya told me to come with those things. I wasn't the experiment mouse of your mother, I said blatantly. Glad that she didn't angry with my lame excuse, but still I couldn't resist when Prof Rowena herself asked me. I was weak with a-grandmother-like she was possessed.
I read the topic of the pamphlet "Preventing Suicide and Bipolar Disorder Throughout Lifetime – Adolescent Bipolar Disorder Psychotherapy”. Instantly I knew I would find a lot of gooey things there.
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Rama Hotel, Bali.
Day 1.
Mostly Bipolar Disorder was a dead case in this first topic. Prof Wena looked dismissive with the thought. And it was like a cold-hell to me that I should spared my experience for public discuss as a “living-proof dead case Bipolar Disorder”. I never had enough satisfaction with my spoken English, God knows that I was never good in pronouns. And I should talked there by English, answering every question they’ve raised. (I should’ve known this was never be a good idea).
The questions were long, (and bored), as professional doctors and psychotherapies, they should’ve known this things. But then I hold myself to told it loud in front of the microphone. Instead, I answered whole of it as sincere as I could. The mission I had was helping… so there wouldn’t be “another me” to do stupid things.
The first question :
1. Why did you attempt to suicide ?
Because I knew I would’ve been saved.
(Then more and more question raised. As medically answer, Prof Wena helping me to counter the question. But most of it I answered it by myself!!)
2. So you did it to get attention from another? How could you sure there were people to safe you?
I thought it much more and longer than your whole questions, but most fact I knew… the most frightened person with my death was… myself.
And the more question raised, I couldn’t remember all, but I knew I did my best for the mission. Was my helping enough….?
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Rama Hotel, Bali
Day 2
Prof Wena told me that there were 2 kinds of people in Bipolar world. The ones that induces to hurt another, and the ones that rather hurting theirself. My case was the example of the hurting-ownself group of people. They have characteristics that they usually smart and having high IQ rate. So that’s why I would attend an IQ test today…
The result was I got IQ rate 134
Should I glad that I was a crazy-genius bipolar?
When the seminar talked about silly-sloppy-medical-whatever things, I chose to spent time walked alone to Sanur.
They said they were doctors, but in my eyes, they seemed like bunch of idiots. How could they miss the most important link which become the trigger of this disease? Human is a social creature… and that disease isn’t come by itself.
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Done. Mampus kan gw ngakak. Dulu gw ga pernah bisa nulis, dan ga pernah bisa menuangkan apapun di dalam pikiran dalam bentuk tulisan ajeg tanpa bikin perut mules ngakak duluan. Alhasil, banyak kegiatan dan hal-hal bermanfaat yang lewat tanpa tercatat dan hilang seiring jalannya waktu. But yeah, time changed, walau gw bilang sekarang pun tulisan gw kayak tai ayam, at least tai ayam yang sekarang agak berbentuk, ga berantakan kek dulu.
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